sábado, 21 de noviembre de 2015

Las Mejores Críticas de RYM: ozzystylez reviews This Nation's Saving Grace by The Fall (Jan 26, 2006)


*How to successfully jeopardise your chances of continued employment with your current employer in six easy steps* 

Step One:  Turn up late and noticeably hungover, dump your bag and coat at your desk and disappear immediately into the bathroom for a fifteen minute paid poo. 

Step Two:  After returning from the bathroom, fix a little breakfast and talk about the previous evening loudly using vulgarities that can be heard by anybody calling the office by telephone. 

Step Three:  As the stares from your colleagues intensify and their frustration begins to boil over, pipe down, finish your breakfast and then go and wash up the bowl and make a cup of tea, offering nobody else a drink, assuming that they all made one for themselves when they arrived at work half an hour before you. 

Step Four:  Log in to rateyourmusic.com to see which album you have been assigned to review on the "Go Review That Album" thread.  Discover that it is The Fall's obnoxious classic This Nation's Saving Grace and realise that you are not very well versed in it as you have only owned it for a few weeks. 

Step Five:  Realise that you have This Nation's Saving Grace loaded onto i-Tunes on your company owned computer and decide to give it a spin.  You will notice that it is having a visible effect on your colleagues; "Barmy's" incessant, catchy-in-that-annoying-way riff will draw sighs from the accounts department, and you can increase their annoyance by drumming the two beats on the table each time the riff comes back in.  "What You Need" has a similarly repetitive riff that sounds like a drunk walking unsteadily home and will get on your colleague's nerves, especially if you jig around in your seat.  Turn the volume up as loud as the computer speakers will tolerate and enjoy the rest of the ride, swirling noise, sudden hooks that verge on pop, then vertical descents into shouty punk, taking in a bit of doo-wop along the plummet.  When you reach the end of this glorious cacophony, allow the dust to settle in the office, take in the relief on people's faces, then double click on the eerie "Mansion" and play through it all again. 

Step Six:  Spend the remainder of your paid working day flicking between a projected cash position for company funds and a six paragraph review of This Nation's Saving Grace, the latter of which will no doubt be the more fulfilling of the two.

Las Mejores Críticas de RYM: Tezcatlipoca reviews Histoire de Melody Nelson by Serge Gainsbourg (Sep 11, 2006)


Smoke Rings and Lipstick Traces

A friend once told me that for some sociology paper she had to team up with this bearded greaseball. Apparently the guy was (in)famous for engaging in heated debates with every teacher in every class, quoting the Greek classics at the drop of a hat too if they could further his shards of knowledge. He was much older than almost everyone on campus, he liked it there so didn't bother graduating. Why look for a job when he could dwell in the cafeteria and strike a stylish pose all day long. Hair was kept unkempt, Henry Miller book on the table, smoke rings were blown.

So for the paper she had to pop by his flat to drop some books. Knocked on the door, from the other side he said "Come on in, make yourself comfortable, I'll be out of the shower in a couple of minutes". Uneasily she entered and started inspecting the dingy apartment, recalling the stories she'd heard about the guy she thought it would be wise not to lean against most things around. The sofa was right out, that would surely be the number one hotspot. He exited the bathroom wearing only shorts, uttered a giant laugh upon seeing the discomfort on her face and got closer so as to greet her with a couple of kisses. She reluctantly obliged. 

To a mention of the work they had to do together he replied with a non sequitur and begun an entrancing exposition on how much he liked the way the Mephistophellian archetype was reworked in The Devil's Advocate. Al Pacino could summon demons both literal and figurative like no one else. She noticed that beneath his lips was a small scar, like a wolf had bitten him right in the mouth, or maybe an angry lover. No matter how early in the day it was, the air was filled with the unmistakable odour of alcohol. He leaned closer, asked her to sit in the sofa. Which she did, sidestepping the million minuscule droplets of glass from a broken lamp that stood between her and the sofa.

He sat on the edge of it, let his hand subtly land on her shoulder and inquired on which were her views regarding Flaubert's depiction of women and sexuality, from the famous Bovary to that older femme in L'Éducation Sentimentale. She spoke, he stroked his beard. The telephone rings, after a couple of seconds his piercing eyes move from hers onto Bell's invention in the kitchenette. He takes the call and after about a minute into the conversation tempers fire up, excited words are exchanged, in various languages, a few insults in the mix. He hangs up violently, spitefully. Looks at her and says "I'll be with you in a minute" before going into the room adjacent.

She gets up from the sofa, feeling on edge and twitchy. Why it's anybody's guess. Where the hell did he go? And why didn't he realize that the way he looked at her made her distraught and nervous? Or did he but continued regardless? She started browsing the records on the shelf, first was Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret, then Histoire de Melody Nelson. That was enough for her, she grabbed her coat and darted out of the apartment without looking back. Didn't speak with him again, sent him her part of the paper and he pieced it together brilliantly. Last she heard there were rumours he had been charged with aggravated indecent exposure and fled to France rather than serve a couple months in jail. Truth? Who knows.

I always did think something more happened that day in the apartment but everytime I graze the subject she stares oddly into the ceiling and mysteriously says "Let's let bygones stay bygones, shall we?"

Las Mejores Críticas de RYM: ozzystylez reviews Close to the Edge by Yes (Aug 11, 2006)


According to Chris Squire, "There was a period in '70's America where, if you put on side one of Close to the Edge, you had twenty minutes of uninterrupted music in which to get the deal done....that song and some pot....it was the way to get laid.  In later years I met so many women who told me that they'd lost their virginity to Close to the Edge."

What poor girls! What an ordeal! Sure, the opening minute is all charming swirls and hisses but what follows is the sort of love making music that only the highly experimental or loftily theatrical would be caught partaking in. I tried to picture myself in a position where I would plot the successful vanquishing of a lady's chastity, making sure to include the first storming barrage of unfathomable time signatures and off kilter key changes.

"Hey babe, smoke some of this sheet, it's gonna make you feel reeyal nice."

"What is it?"

"Don't worry, you'll love it, now, a little mood music I think? Are you familiar with a popular beat combo called Yes? No? Of course not, you're a virgin, how else would you have come across them unless somebody else had tried and succeeded in seducing you?"

"Oooh, it does sound really relaxing, I'm feeling sooooo horny all of a sudden, why don't you touch me here?"

"All in good time babe, let me just get this mask on, I've gotta be quick or I'll miss it when it kicks in. Here, climb into this animal skin, we're seconds away from getting jiggy with it!"

*"Close to the Edge i) The Solid Time Of Change" kicks in*

"Awwwwwwright, now just rub against things, we'll meet in the middle during the reprise of "I Get Up, I Get Down" but til then just wriggle."

"Are you sure this is how we're supposed to do it? Aren't we supposed to connect physically?"

"*sigh*  Listen treacle, this is how all the cool kids are doing it. Right now we have to interpret the music and channel the sexuality through our bodies. Now be ready for 'aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' the sudden changes and you'll start to feel incredibly attracted to me I'm sure you'll find."

"I found you attractive to begin with, this is just freaking me out."

"Don't have a cow 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!' man, watch me for the leads."

*Later, probably twenty minutes later*

[exhales cigarette smoke] "So, how was it for you?"

"It was great!  But I'm glad we turned that bloody record off, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am actually. I'd heard that it had aphrodisiacal qualities but I was too quick to jump on the bandwagon. Close To The Edge is a good record, but it's not love making music."

"God you're interesting when you talk about music, I could listen to you harp on about the intricacies of a 17/12 time signature, as appears on "Siberian Khatu"......"

"...hey, you're learning....."

"...all day, and you're right in what you say about this Yes record. You should put it into a review one day, you'd be good at that."

"Yeah, I could get paid for it too."

"Hahahahahahaha!  Yeah right!"

Las Mejores Críticas de RYM: cirithungol reviews Vincebus Eruptum by Blue Cheer (Apr 09, 2009)


To the best of my recollection, I was probably about 13 years old. I was working at a local department store (R.J. Mars) in Vernon, NJ, a small town in the cow country of Sussex country. It’s a very quiet, fairly rural area just south of Orange County, New York, a town full of craft stores, pubs and even more cows. My mother worked at a bank just nearby and I was taking guitar lessons at a plaza right across the street from my place of employ. A pretty cozy arrangement, all things considered. It was also frightfully dull to be a teenager there, being a town without even a movie theater or bookstore. And as I was quickly becoming a music obsessed lad, the total lack of a music store in town was crippling. To this point I had been a very timid, church going lad, my most exotic interest being old comic books. But something was changing in my brain cells, something that led me towards the esoteric in all things, most especially music. And so I was left to scour the few stores my parents would drive me to in their limited leisure time (being a lower middle class working family, money was not abundant) or raiding the record collections of older acquaintances. One of them was a woman my mother worked with, named Nancy. She was a pleasant woman with a rock and roll hippie vibe about her. It was clear she’d come of age in the late sixties, and it showed on her a bit. Being the naïve teenager I was, I assumed that everyone who passed through that wonderful era had huge record collections, bulging with arcane delights and treasures galore. It never crossed my mind that not every hippie was a huge music fan, or that they hadn’t already sold their collections for food, gas or ganja funds. Nancy, as it turns out, didn’t have a huge collection, but she did have one thing I was very interested in. 
See, around this time my interest in heavy metal was becoming acute. I liked the stuff I heard on the radio (Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, Van Halen, Quiet Riot, etc.) but I was starting to become aware that there were whole other strata to the music. Pouring over the pages of mainstream metal rags informed me that there was both a burgeoning metal underground of independent record labels and radical sounds, but also that the music had an extensive past as well. I knew about Zeppelin and Sabbath and Purple (everyone did…it was law in the school system I attended) and the classic rock radio stations around the area (WPDH…Poughkeepsie, NY’s finest!) helped fill in the other gaps in my knowledge. Also every so often, roughly once a year, magazines like Circus and Hit Parader ran badly written and lazily researched “history of metal” articles, in which they tracked the music’s history while expending the least amount of effort possible. But one name they always dropped, however fleetingly, was Blue Cheer. They often alleged that these guys were in fact  the first heavy metal band, having released their debut album, the all heavy all the time Vincebus Eruptum in 1968. This would put the band slightly ahead of Zep, two years ahead of the Sabs, and since Deep Purple was still making largely floral psychedelia in ’68, it meant the Cheer may have trumped them as well. Sounded great! I just had to hear it, and off to the record stores I went to plunk down my stock boy paycheck in return for a beautiful copy of this holy relic.
One problem: this was 1982, and the album was out of print, out of circulation, and as it happens, pretty hard to find. When I asked the clerks at Sam Goody and Record Town about it, I was met with blank, uncomprehending expressions. Blue what? Who cheer? This clearly wasn’t going to be easy, and it was at this exact point that I discovered the phenomenon of out of print, deleted or otherwise difficult to find music. This meant I had to search for it, and that realization permanently infused in me the allure of this process. Having to search in basements, flea markets and garage sales for desired music increased my music obsession rather than frustrating me. It was like a drug; gotta have it, gotta hear it, gotta find it. And Blue Cheer was my first holy grail. 
I wasn’t alone. Over the years I’ve discovered many, many other Cheer obsessives who were in the same position as me. Some were old enough to have been fans when the band was in action during their 1968-1971 heyday, some were just curious, enthralled by the scraps of sounds they’d been able to hear from this legendary act. But for me, this band was the musical equivalent of a gateway drug, cluing me onto the fact that much of the best rock music ever recorded was obscure, out of the way and otherwise underground in nature. In the case of experimental artists, obscurity is to be expected. But the Cheer is an example of a band that was popular in their day, but had been almost totally plowed under the waves of history. There were, I would soon find, lots of bands like this, mainly heavy and progressive rock bands of the early seventies who became forgotten through their own lack of success and the vagaries of fashion (punk did a lot to bury this music and rock critics were all too happy to help dig the graves). And so bands like Bloodrock, Bang, Cactus, Dust, Warhorse, Spooky Tooth and dozens more seemed to be forgotten by the dawn of the eighties, which is right when I got interested in this stuff. 
But back in 1968, after downsizing their six piece line up to a trio and acquiring some serious amplification upgrades, Blue Cheer was an immediate sensation. Their debut album we’re speaking of shot to number 14 on the Billboard album charts, and it’s legendary take on Eddie Cochran’s “Summertime Blues” did even better as a single, getting up to number 11! The band appeared on The Steve Allen Show, performing at their now well known devastating volume levels, leading good ‘ol Steve to warn his audience as they started their second number, “It’s the Blue Cheer, run for your lives!” As was common in those days, the band issued another album in ’68, the notably sharper, tighter Outside Inside, which was probably a better album from a technical standpoint all the way around, but it didn’t sell. You can unleash any number of valid theories as to why, but I have mine. I get the idea that Blue Cheer was seen, due to their extreme volume and lead fisted playing, as a novelty act. Since they were ahead of the heavy metal curve and not nearly as musically advanced as Cream, Hendrix or even the Yardbirds, older, more sophisticated fans felt the Cheer were trading on extremity alone, with little musical value to back it up. Some of the evidence for this view is in the distorted grooves of Eruptum itself, and since the language of heavy metal wasn’t ingrained in the public mind yet, Blue Cheer sounded more like an anomaly than the new development in rock music that they were. Plus it seems more teenyboppers than serious rock heads were among the band’s first blast of fans, making them instantly unfashionable to the rock music fan elite. They proved the perceptions about their skills wrong with their subsequent work, but by then it was too late. By ’69-’70, Zeppelin were riding high, Sabbath were lurking in the shadows, and Deep Purple had finally cranked up their amps as well. The Cheer, despite carrying on fruitlessly, had become yesterday’s news with alarming. 
And so I went through a mostly fruitless walkabout to find this sainted record, not even knowing at this point that Blue Cheer ever issued another album besides it (they did…5 more in fact during the initial stage of their career). I actually found a sealed copy at a dingy second hand crap store in Sugar Loaf, NY in ’83, but its owner wanted $25 for it, stressing that it’s hermetic status meant that it had “real sixties air in there, man!” I didn’t have $25 and I didn’t want 20 year old air, so I passed. Time went by and I finally thought to ask Nancy (remember Nancy? I mentioned her a while back) if she had a copy. Not only did she own a good condition copy of Vincebus Eruptum, she had actually seen the band live in ’68! A true believer! A witness! I was ecstatic and jealous and ready to mow her lawn until I was 30 to convince her to part with it. She wouldn’t, but she did agree to bring it over to my house and let me spin it. That was gonna have to be good enough for me. 
And so on a beautiful spring Sunday afternoon, Nancy arrived at my parent’s house, mainly to do some kind of craft project with my Mother. But as promised she bought the album with her. So while my father got stupid (as was his wont) on can after can of cheap black beer whilst watching football, I eased Vincebus Eruptum onto the family turntable, slapped on the headphones and prepared to experience it. 
The first thing I noticed was how much fuzzier, louder and spontaneous the music sounded when compared to what I understood heavy metal to be. This band was wilder and less concerned with chops than Zep for example, and a million times removed from the slick, glossy sheen I’d heard on modern records. You could hear (and feel if ya cranked it up enough) the vibration of the amplifiers, the guitar sound so caked in fuzz, you’d have thought it’s strings were covered in moss. Also, the bass was loud, much louder than on any album I’d previously heard. It moved in the same sort of fashion I’d heard on songs by Cream, but with less jazzy delicacy, sounding like a caveman was handling the instrument. And the drumming, courtesy monolithic skins-man Paul Whaley, was just wide the hell open, cymbals crashing, toms thudding, making the percussive thrashing of the Who’s Keith Moon sound pretty conservative by comparison (no mean feat, I should add). Needless to say, I liked it a lot. 
But there’s a catch. As much as I loved this album, I was in a technologically challenged state at the time, lacking a cassette deck to make myself a copy of this masterpiece. So, handing it gratefully back to its owner, I had to resign myself to being satisfied with this brief glimpse of elder metal heaven. The search continued however, and as you can imagine I’d gotten interested in other things as well by this time. Providing a list of that stuff here would take up too much space, but suffice to say I had become a full blown rock junkie, seeking out everything from the Velvet Underground to Bathory with equal enthusiasm. 
As time passed I turned up some terrible condition copies of Vincebus Eruptum, but passed on the purchase as they often looked like the previous owner had eaten off them. But in 1986, fate smiled on me when Rhino records, in vinyl form only, issued Louder Than God: The Best Of Blue Cheer, a well programmed and wonderfully packaged compilation. It included a bunch of tracks from Vincebus, as well as a healthy dose of stuff from their second and third albums, which to my joy were at least as good and maybe better than the other tracks. Also featuring a wonderful essay on the rear sleeve, it quoted one eye and ear witness to one of the band’s early concerts as saying that the band played so loud they “Turned the air into cottage cheese.” Far out. It finished up with some weed-burnt mellow acoustic numbers, but so what? I had honest to god Cheer in my collection, and the band I was playing in (yeah, my guitar lessons had launched me into the ranks of a garage band amongst my high school pals) immediately added the Cheer’s “Babylon” to our repertoire. But truth be told, I STILL didn’t have an actual copy of VIncebus Eruptum. 
By this time, compact discs were replacing vinyl as the music format du jour, which was both good and bad news for music freaks like me. It meant that the going rate for new music releases jumped from around 9 bucks to 15, instantly putting some of us under stress to get higher paying jobs. But it also opened up the possibility for reissues of otherwise unavailable releases, and I quickly grabbed myself copies of both the Stooges first album (I was lucky enough to have Raw Power on vinyl) and Nico’s Chelsea Girl, two coveted masterpieces. I had moved my occupation to that of a local video store in lovely Oak Ridge, NJ, at which I managed a small music department. This gave me access to catalogs from music distributors, and I constantly checked to see if the Cheer’s albums were up for a dust off and re-release. But, amazing as it may seem, the album wasn’t back in domestic circulation until 1993, 25 years after its release. I immediately snatched up a copy, but after a full decade of searching for a copy, during which I had actually heard the album in full on a few occasions and now owned part of it on collection albums, the flimsy re-issue job done by Mercury records felt hollow and slipshod to me at the time.
But I soon got over it, especially when, at the right time of day and with the right substances involved, I was able to crank this monster up at a nice, all consuming volume and simply bathe in it. So what does Vincebus Eruptum sound like? It sounds like a crew of guys awash in enthusiasm and desire making a dense, vibrating heavy metal record before their skills were slick enough to pull it off professional-like. Now while I do insist that this is first true heavy metal album (simply because it’s the first chronological rock record to use full blown heavy amplification all the time, on every song) there are some small cracks of light that peer through the mayhem. Those cracks come in the form of recognizable blues structures and the small psych lulls that edge in from time to time. 
But as the album lifts off the pad with the band’s hit, “Summertime Blues,” it’s all about the fuzz overload, period. Leigh Stephens was the possessor of an amazing guitar tone, more so in his soloing than in his rhythm work, but as the air raid siren, ambulatory timbre of his notes emerge, you know you’re in the presence of a dude in the throes of distortion and volume worship. You just can’t get those sounds out of a guitar under normal circumstances…you have to hurt it. And the way the band pile on this old rock ‘n roll nugget is just genius, taking a familiar structure, a familiar song and pulling it’s intestines out through it’s mouth and covering it with lighter fluid before setting the whole ablaze to melt into a putrid mass of acidic, corrosive dung, should have been enough to scare many timid listeners away. And it was a hit, man! A bona fide, chart climbing, take ads out in trade magazines hit! This means that it may be not only the first heavy metal single ever released, but the first hit heavy metal single ever released. Wild. 
“Out Of Focus” is just around the corner, and this loping, lurching ride into slightly more restrained territory was written by bassist/vocalist Dickie Peterson when he was “deathly ill.” It’s not as earth quaking as the record’s other material, but still contains a snaking, twisting riff and more emergency broadcast system soloing from Stephens. I should mention that Peterson’s vocals have often been dismissed as mere Cro-Magnon grunts, but that’s a terrible mischaracterization. Compared to Tom Jones, he may have sounded a little out there to ears of the day, but his voice is more in line with good blues singers than some kind of prehistoric monster. My personal least favorite cut on the album, “Second Time Around,” comes up next, a churning cut that sort of runs in place a bit, and at least to my ears is the most undeveloped thing on the band’s first few albums. Let’s just leave it there, shall we?
The band’s take on Albert King’s “Rock Me Baby” might have suffered a similar fate, but fortunately the band amp it up, drag it out, and beat the crap out of it. The funny thing here is that band actually displays a lighter touch on this number, only to crank back up to kill levels come solo time. Why didn’t more listeners notice the deft playing here? Maybe they were too shocked by the speaker-quaking balance of the rest of the album to notice its more subtle points? Possibly, but four decades on the band still tear this one up in concert, proving their dedication to this blues standard. But the real treatment of an old school cut that Cheer really blow into orbit is Mose Allison’s “Parchman Farm,” somehow filtered through the band’s consciousness to be re-titled “Parchment Farm.”  Here, the band get down to the mean business of plowing their way through a standard structure, but they infuse it with so much amplifier noise and off the rails energy, it honestly sounds like the song could fall apart at any second. Naturally it doesn’t, but the slow, thudding, middle section feels like the band needed a bit of a rest, so intense is the rest of this number. It’s another example of their ability to take the familiar and shove a big, super fuzz big muff boot up it’s backside, remaking it into something else altogether. 
And while that cut will always be nearest and dearest to my heart, the heaviest, sickest, most outlandish number on the album is still to come in the form of “Doctor Please,” a nine minute trip through the newly plowed land called heavy. This one is the Cheer at the most wantonly destructive they’d ever be, throwing down another lumbering, stuttering riff, with a structure that basically takes two chords and wring their little necks until liquid noise oozes out of them. Stephens really gets gone on this one, wailing and pulling UFO-like noises out of his instrument, grinding the fuzz frequencies up in his strings as they bleed out of his Sherman tank sized amplifier (well, I guess it’s that big…I don’t know for sure, but that’s how it’s sounds). But the real mania of this track comes during it’s long, protracted coda, where the band thrash away on a two note theme for minute after minute, laying layers of noise, fuzz and sonic poop one on top of the other in a mantra-like delirium. Monotonous to some, bliss to others, this is the one indisputable time we hear the Cheer unleashing all of the obnoxious, brutal, sonic blast they were chided for trading in, and it’s a wonderfully harrowing performance. 
So all things considered, Vincebus Eruptum is quite a trip, and it’s one of the few albums legendary for its visceral nature that lives up completely to its own reputation. Not only that, but 40 years after it’s release, people are still trying to play the “how did they do that” game with the album, marveling at the tones and frequencies the band wrung out of what was, let’s face facts, some fairly primitive equipment. Within a few more years the arsenal designed to create heavy metal music would advance by leaps and bounds, but in ’68 the cheer were working on tinker toys by comparison. And just a note about the album’s production; right around the same time this disc was being laid down, The Stooges were also recording their debut platter. According to Iggy Pop, the band had to bully producer John Cale into allowing them to play with their amps set at full blast, the man only allowing them to take their volume knobs up to the 9 setting. Vincebus Eruptum producer Abe “Voco” Kesch seems to have had no such compunctions, and apart from some recent stoner rock albums, this is one of the few records I’ve heard where you can hear amp vibration, speaker overload and other phenomena related to amps being set on Armageddon mode. Many producers, then and now, edit such sounds out or try to avoid them completely, but the ambience they can add to a band’s performance can be critical to capturing just how loud ‘n heavy they were playing. Electric Wizard clearly knows this and so did the Cheer. 
So where does this leave me? Well, now that I’m looking down the barrel of turning 40 (a mere 4 days from the day I sit here writing this deal) I’m given to thinking back on my years as a music lunatic, mostly to remembering the key bands and albums that set me down this road to financial and moral ruin. While it would be a bit dramatic to say that Blue Cheer, and more specifically Vincebus Eruptum, ruined my life, it’s not out of hand at all to say that they did alter it considerably. And still, at least a few times a year, I lay down on the living room floor with the lights off, crank my amplifier up a few notches past its usual setting, and blast the album into my psyche once again. How long will I keep this behavior up? I have the feeling you could check in on me in five year intervals to come and find out that nothing has changed. Much like the band themselves, who, with some major ups and downs in the intervening years, are STILL at it, STILL performing at Hiroshima decibel levels, and STILL rolling down the road in search of sonic bliss and good weed. Knowing that makes me feel like I’m STILL on the band’s team in some way. It’s a good feeling. I think I’ll stick with it. 

As a side note, I should point out the growing, fungus-like reach of Vincebus Eruptum. On the internet’s current biggest user driven website, Rate Your Music, the album stands with a rating of 3.81 out of possible 5. 840 people have rated the album, with most pegging it at a quality level of between 3.5 and 4.5. 98 users have rated it as a perfect, 5.0. It is rated as the #107th best album issued in 1968, and the 4,148th best album overall, for all times. Not bad for an album that was out of print for 25 years. 
The band does indeed play on, their recently released 2007 album  What Doesn’t Kill You being coupled with a world tour, a spiffy new band website and mucho exposure. It hasn’t sold buckets or anything, but it’s RYM rating is at 3.54, well above what many of their other moderately recent albums have scored.

Las Mejores Críticas de RYM: joannajewsom reviews Endless Summer by The Beach Boys (Mar 25, 2010)


When these guys said, "catch a wave and you'll be sitting on top of the world," they weren't bullshitting you. They were on top of the world. In fact, any anthropologist will tell you that life as a young surfin' white boy back in the late-50s to early-60s is objectively the best life any human has ever had and will ever have. It wasn't good enough to name a song "Fun." No. Their lives were so fun that they had to name the damn song "Fun, Fun, Fun." They are having three times the fun you could ever imagine.

I mean, how full of happiness and free of stress must your life be if you have the time to write songs about nothing else but catching a fucking wave? That is the kind of life that everyone wants, but only these surfin' white boys have actually been privileged to experience. The artists of our era are too busy getting shot 9 times to write about catching a wave. They're too busy trying to make sure they don't catch a bullet.

That's not to say that their life was perfect. They are human, after all. They do experience their share of heartbreak: 

"I never thought a guy could cry
'Til you made it with another guy"

or 

"When I watched you walk with him
Tears filled my eyes"


But you know what the next song is? "Don't Worry Baby"

You know why you don't have to worry? Because--

"The girls on the beach 
are all within reach, 
and one waits there for you."

When your baby decides to jump into the passenger seat of another guy's little Deuce Coupe, you know what you do? You just go down to the beach and get another girl, because they're always down at the beach WAITING FOR YOU. It's a simple system. When you're a surfin' white boy, your heartbreak lasts as long as it takes you to grab your board, drive down to the beach or the hamburger stand, meet another girl, and fall in love all over again. 

Logic will tell you, then, that these people never experienced heartbreak for more than 10 or 15 minutes (as someone who's been depressed for 4 years, I find that to be incredible). That's why the songs are so short. By time you get 2 minutes into singing the song you're completely over that girl and you don't care, because your life is too damn fun and you just met another California Girl at the hamburger stand. 

Nowadays, there are no hamburger stands where you can just go to and fall in love. Instead, you have to settle for the poisonous food at McDonald's, and you might be "lucky" enough to meet some trailer park mom who gives you an unenthusiastic hand job behind the deathly green dumpster while her two kids eat their happy meals in the backseat of her '87 Tempo with expired tags. Actually, you're lucky if you even make it to the McDonald's without being shot.

Las Mejores Críticas de RYM: jeeeesus reviews Sticky Fingers by The Rolling Stones (Dec 02, 2004)


"TA-EEK MEH DEH-YAOWN LEEADL SOO-ZEH, TA-EEK MEH DEH-YAOWNNE"

"Mick..."

"AH NO YUH THOINK YUR THU QUOIN UV THU UNDERGRA-HAOWND"

"...Mick..."

"ENYOO CAYN SEN' ME DEAD FLAYWERS EUVRA MAWERNIN'"

"...MICK..."

"SEN' ME DEAD FLAYWERS BA THU MOIL"

"...MICK!..."

"SEN' ME DEAD FLAYWERS TO MUH WEDDIN'"

"...JESUS, MICK..."

"AN' AH WONE FIRGYET TA PUT...Wot?"

"Mick, you're from Dartford."

Las Mejores Críticas de RYM: ozzystylez reviews Master of Puppets by Metallica (May 25, 2006)


03:28 EST 
28th February 1986 

James Hetfield awoke from slumber like a startled rodent and erected himself in his bed hurriedly.  He wiped the cold sweat from his frontal lobe and tried to catch his frantic breath.  He turned to his girlfriend sleeping quietly by his side and shook her awake. 

"Wha... whats going on Het?  What time is it?" 

"I've just had the most awful nightmareeeeah!" exclaimed James Hetfield, over exaggerating his last syllable as he was prone to doing in song, the dream still having some kind of effect on his social functions. 

"Awww, pussy-ribbons, wot's de matcher, are woo fwightened?" asked the soon to be Mrs. Het, adopting her nurturing voice in order to calm her frightened little boo boo. 

"Yeah I am, it was horribleeeaaah.  I dreamt it was 2006 and me and the band, we were old-ah and sad and miserable and pathetic-ah.  We wrote a record and it was an obvious fucking ploy to get the young kids to listen to us again-ah." 

"Calm down love buttons, it's just a silly dream, right?  You're in Metallica, and you've just released what is perhaps going to be seen as your crowning achievement, Master Of Puppets which has pushed the boundaries of heavy music to levels nobody even wanted to go to before." 

"Master Of Puppets?  Oh yeah, we didn't call it St. Anger then?" 

"No bubbles, that's a stupid name for a record.  No, no, your new record is non-stop groundbreaking metal through all of it's eight tracks.  It rocks like a motherfucker, and, even if I do say so myself, it just makes me want to hump you to release this excess testosterone that it gives me, and I'm a woman!" 

She snuggles up to the Het and wraps herself seductively around his muscular arm, built up from years of vigorous palm muting.  He stares vacantly into the darkness of the room.  The Het Man is in no mood for love. 

"Please, just leave me."  By this point his unusual vocal phrasing had abandoned the Het-meister, so deep was his woe.  "It was awful, Cliff wasn't in the band anymore, we had some other guy with a fat neck and an attitude problem and I beat the Hell out of him and then he left and then we got in some tribal chief to play bass." 

"Oh woopsie, you're so silly, you know Cliff's in the band, and he's one Hell of a bass player, he keeps up with you using just his fingers!  And his orchestration abilities are second to none, that track "Orion", man, that's some ambitious shit going on right there." 

The Het was not interested. 

"And Kirk's hair was falling out and he looked like a pimp.  I was embarrassed to be seen with him!" 

"Snuggles, you're being so ridiculous!  Kirk has a lovely full head of hair, and you'd never be embarrassed to be seen with someone who can solo so well, I mean, you always know when it's a Kirk solo, they're so distinct and memorable, so exhilarating!" 

The Het Monster eyed his girlfriend suspiciously, momentarily distracted from his troublesome dream by her apparent infatuation with his colleague.  Seeing his icy stare in the dim half light, Miss Het caught herself.  "But, but without you, the riff Lord, what would he have to go on?  I mean the riffs you write, they're just awesome, knock-me-down-on-my-back-with-my-legs-spread awesome.  Meaty, that's the word I use to describe it to my girls, meaty." 

Satisfied the Het resumed his vacant stare into space. 

"And Lars, oh dear God, Lars, he was an awful drummer, so dull, y'know."  He looked to his woman lying beside him for support, but she offered him nothing.  The Het frowned.  "I said...." he said. 

"I know what you said," she said.  "It's just, well, you know, Lars isn't the world's greatest drummer, but you know, he, he, er, he keeps a steady beat and that's what counts, isn't it?" 

"What's wrong, Lars been hittin' on you again?" 

"No, no, just speaking the truth." 

"And you know what?  We were like a sad bunch of middle aged men trying to remain vital in a world where we weren't the heaviest they come anymore, and I wore a stupid beanie hat all the time and stormed off in strops, and we made a movie called "Spinal Tap"?  Was that it?  I think that was us." 

"Oh my little honey bum, you're always going to be the heaviest they come, how can anything get heavier than "Battery" or "Leper Messiah"?  I mean, really, you are at the height of your powers right now baby boo, and as long as you don't let money and fame go to your head then you'll be fine." 

"Promise?" 

"Promise," she pulls him close and hugs him tightly, kisses him on his head. 

"Because if you go back on your word, and all this shit does happen, I guarantee I'll be psychologically traumatised and buy one of those stupid kit cars you hate so much." 

"Oh Pooky, it's never gonna happen, here, let's listen to your new record, then you'll see how truly awesome you really are, won't you?" 

The Het bounces excitedly in the bed, "Yeah, yeah!  Master Of Puppets, Master Of Puppets!" 

"Alright, settle down, I know it's good, but I need some sleep, alright baby, so you put on your headphones, and no rocking out too much, okay?" 

"Oh alright then, give me the headphones."